Jungle Fever

Another poor night, courtesy of what is now a full blown cold (I think possibly courtesy of those kids I didn't like in that village; quite a few of them had one) was followed by another 6.15 start. Heck.

At least today was another walk through Ranomafana national park. Breakfast was truly monstrous; a full plate of fruit, a crepe, half a baguette, and a muffin type thing were all laid out for each of us, and then they even came and asked about eggs. I did not want eggs also. Thankfully being up had improved my condition somewhat, though I still felt a bit poor.

We picked up Rudy and an auxiliary guide, then drove 15 minutes or so to the park entrance. Our lemur spotter (it is a real job, trust me) Olivia was waiting for us there. We had to order our lunch before the walk so they could get it all ready. It was cheap, and they had some traditional Malagasy stuff. For some reason, 10 of our party ordered "4 kinds of vegetables", but I went for good old zebu.

The walk started fairly well. Within 5 minutes the auxiliary guide had spotted a Satanic Leaf Tailled Gecko. I have never seen anything look more like a dead leaf. Even a dead leaf I saw later in the walk looked more like a gecko! Strangely the photo also made it look more like a gecko, and after looking at that I was finally convinced. It is satanic because it has little horns on it's head, incidentally.

Satanically hard to spot

We walked for a while, and then suddenly a wild Olivia appeared! She had done her job, and spotted some lemurs, and not only that, they were golden bamboo lemurs, the rarest kind (I'm not sure if that is just this national park, or anywhere). We had to rush off the path and into the jungle to see them. The species was only discovered in the 80s, and I think in some adventure books I used to read when I was young there was one when a golden lemur was the main animal they were trying to see. Took them a whole book, only took me about an hour. There were a couple, and one was eating the leaves quite cutely.

I have about a million photos (I was excited, sue me!). I chose what I thought was the best.

Next we saw what looked like a great big thrush that couldn't fly, just under a foot long. This was called a Scaly Ground Roller (though it had no scales), and is new to this region, having only been first spotted here earlier this year. No photos unfortunately, they should call it the scaly fast ground roller.

Shortly after Olivia came through for us once again. This time it was the Miel Eduard Sifaka Lemur (I think this is what Rudy said), the biggest variety of lemur (again could be park or nationwide), and there were 3 adults and a baby hanging around (pun intended). A fact I found quite funny was that on the ground apparently these lemurs walk on 2 legs, like a little person.

I couldn't get one of it walking, but I could get one of it jumping!

Next, Rudy showed us an ants nest. This was up in a tree to avoid the wet ground, and they always go up the same bit of the tree for whatever reason, so they have worn a sort of ant path up the trunk.

The white is the A1. A is for ant.

Then Olivia was back, having spotted a pair of Red Fronted Brown Lemurs. Their point of distinction is that they are the most common. Come on Olivia, you won't impress anyone that way! They were alright though, more active compared to the Sifakas.

I think this is it, but it can be hard to tell with all the lemur photos. This one isn't very photogenic!

Next there were more of the Sifakas, and these ones were doing interesting things! When we came they were sat at opposite ends of a branch, but one ran up to the other, and gave it a lemur hug, before it started grooming the other. It was all very cute.

They aren't squaring up, despite what it may look like.

The Eastern Wooly Lemurs we saw next were not so exciting. To be fair to them they are nocturnal, so they were asleep, but I didn't pay to see them sleeping!!! There was no point in taking a photo, as they were quite high up, and looked like little more than a brown blob, aside from the occasional and slight movement.

It was hard to tell in all that jungle, but we were on our way back at this point. We had crossed a bridge very early on our walk, and we were crossing back again. At this point, Rudy showed that he was not only part amphibian, but also part insect. On a tree about 10 feet away there was a leaf. Peeking out from the underside of that leaf was the head and neck of a Giraffe Neck Weevil. This is an insect with a round body about half a centimetre in diameter, and a big long neck about twice the length of the body with a tiny head on. So the bit of neck poking out from under this leaf was about as long as a grain of rice, and not half as fat. The weevil did rush on top of the leaf for a few moments shortly after though, so I got a good look at it. No photos though, aside from one on the sign to show what it was like. Having seen one on the sign on the way in, I had really wanted to see one in real life, so it was my lucky day!

It was like this but smaller, and further away.

We got back to the restaurant then, and I got my zebu. It was alright, though a bit tougher than other zebu I've had. Everyone else (bar Matthew who also had zebu) got their 4 vegetables too. It was a soup, which was apparently very bland, and included cabbage, and one of the other most disgusting vegetables there is. I don't know what it's called, but it is like an especially bitter and juicy tomato (and some of you will know that the juice is my main problem with fresh tomatoes). Most of them regretted their choice.

Never eat this.

Afterwards we were driving for a few hours to reach Ambalavao, our next destination. On the way, we visited a winery. This was probably the worst tour I've ever been on. I don't think they knew we were coming. I'm not sure if the guy showing us round didn't know what to say, or if Mamy was having trouble translating, but much of what was said didn't make much sense, and some of the terms were still in French! The factory (as this was definitely a wine factory as opposed to a winery) was dirty all over, and there was barely anything to see. There was a nice view of some grapes growing, and a wine tasting in which I did not participate (aside from my cold, I don't drink wine, and Madagascan stuff is supposed to be an acquired taste to put it nicely), and we were thankfully back off again.

The journey also took 5 hours, rather than the 3 Mamy suggested. God knows why, but for me who just wanted to get to the hotel and relax at this point, it was annoying.

The latest hotel is very nice, which is good considering how long I will be without one after today!

I will dream of this tomorrow.

An important point to note: I will be camping for the next 3 nights, and so will have no wifi, and so no blog updates.

The Jungle Bus

I had noticed someone having a very nice looking zebu steak with peppercorn sauce yesterday for tea, so I went for that, and it turned out to be a great choice!

Unfortunately I had a miserable night, especially the first half. I had an upset stomach, and had to get up every 15 minutes or so. Thankfully it seemed to go off as the night went on, as we had 5 hours in the coach the next day to look forward to.

I was rudely awoken just before my alarm by a single knock on my door. It was about 6am, so who the hell would be knocking at this time?! I threw on a tshirt, and rushed out, ready to tell someone to leave me the hell alone at 6am. And instead of a person found a huge moth/butterfly lying on it's back, wiggling it's legs at me. I flipped it over, took a photo, and went back to bed for 15 minutes.

He even stole my wallet!

The drive to Ranomafana was only 150km, but would take us 5 hours, thanks to us having to go along a "bad" road. What started out as a delightfully crisp morning had progressed, and now the sun was like the blazing eye of sauron, searing everything with it's baleful gaze. What few clouds there had been could not survive for long. My chicken skin was in danger, and it was only 7am!

The road was surprisingly good at the start. I guess we were probably averaging 50kmph, meaning the later roads must be really dicey! Also, trees had started to grow more densely; the lemurs were closing in. Some people wanted to stop to buy Sharon fruit from children by the roadside from some children. The sweet fools, Sharon fruit is just like a tomato wearing a jacket!

Mamy dropped some pearls of knowledge on us on the ride. There is very little hunger in Madagascar because in the countryside the poor people generally tend to work for food, and a little money, as opposed to other places where they might work just for money, which might not ensure them a good diet when prices fluctuate. Indeed, whilst there have been poor looking people, there seem to be very few beggars, presumably because working in the fields is a stable source of food that is accessible to most.

The time when people get into trouble tends to be when they try to move to the cities for a "better life". Whilst it is true that you can earn more there, it also comes with a higher cost of living, and the jobs are not necessarily easy to find.

We had often seen moderately large patches of undergrowth that had been burned, so as we were having a Madagascar Q&A, I asked whether these were natural, in a similar manner to the wildfires in America, which clear the undergrowth for giant redwood saplings to grow. They are not; it is zebu famers, trying to stimulate the new growth of zebu food (some sort of grass, I think). Naughty zebu farmers!

Partway there, we stopped to take a little walk through a village. This was much better then yesterday; the people offered friendly greetings, but didn't swarm us begging for things. We basically just wandered through, looking at the sort of things they were selling, and I thought it was quite a nice look into their every day life. Some old woman found us hilarious too, as she passed us, she started laughing and couldn't stop. Maybe she saw my toe shoes; some people have no sense of style!

The zebu didn't laugh at my shoes!

Whilst there were more trees, they never really took over like I was expecting until we within 20km or so of Ranomafana. Otherwise every inch of valley basin was farmed within an inch of it's life! The "bad" road never really materialised either; at worst it was as bad as the "good" road yesterday. A bit disappointing really.

After a brief stop to look at some blacksmiths (which wasn't super exciting, basically just some men hitting metal with other metal), we were into the national park itself. This, finally, was the Madagascar I had been expecting! Orchids lined a cliff next to the road, and there was rainforest everywhere. We stopped to have a look at a lovely waterfall, and saw a couple of ginormous butterflies, before driving on to our hotel.

Finally the protagonist appears

My room is large to say the least, 2 four poster beds, though one is only a single, and both are basically just four posters to hang mosquito netting off. I am glad for this though; one of my windows does not close properly and so I bet they will be all coming at me come night time!

Lunch was crayfish. This proved to be a mistake. The blighters were still in their shells entirely, with only a tiny bit of meat in their claws and tails. You got nutcrackers and everything! Me and Matthew persevered, but Fiona and Sue gave up and just had rice/chips with the sauce. Then after that there was the option of a 3pm walk through the village to a swimming pool. I decided to decline this, as it was open air and I was sure to get sunburned, plus at this point I was damn tired thanks to not sleeping well last night, so I went for a solid 3 hour nap, before our evening wildlife walk.

The night walk was fantastic! If I'm honest, to this point I'd been a bit disappointed, what with the mediocre Tana, and English like walking, but this was exactly what I'd expected, and couldn't really have gone much better.

We were looking for 3 things in particular: Mouse Lemurs, which are nocturnal, tree frogs, and chameleons, which go to sleep at night and so can't activate their camouflage. 

The Lemurs we cheated on a bit; our local guide Rudy, who will also be accompanying us on our daytime walk tomorrow, smeared some banana mush on a tree branch, and within 5 minutes the lemurs were out. They are about 4/5 inches long not including their long tails, and have very big, cute black eyes. My iPhone camera was definitely not up to the task; they were too fast, and even when they did stay still they were too small, and getting closer might've sacred them, but I'm sure one of the many members of my party with a serious business camera got some great shots. They were around for ages, and after a while I gave up on photos, and just watched them.

One had laser eyes. It was a bit more dangerous than the rest

Yo Splinter, warm up the pizza

Next up Rudy, who I swear is part amphibian, spotted a white tree frog whose body was about an inch in each dimension. The photo I took of this guy cracks me up for some reason, and he did us a little frog song, as well as puffing up his throat like they do.

They can't see me, I'm hiding

Next up a side striped chameleon. How Rudy spotted this was beyond me. It was around 2 inches long including the tail, green, and on a green branch about 10 feet up in the air. It started signing to us with it's tail, but I don't speak chameleon. Another small chameleon (a short nosed chameleon) soon followed, and this was Rudy's best spot. Even smaller than the other, and with it's tail curled up, grey on a grey branch, and a similar height to the other. My photos of it are dreadful.

I'm pretty sure that is the sign for "Go away, I'm sleeping"

Rudy's stick indicates that this is not just a dangly plant thing

Back to frogs again, and this time we saw some sort of water frog, whose name I forget. It is an endangered species, because people like to eat them! Next was probably the star of the show. A chameleon with a funny name I can't recall, but it was a good 6 inches long (not including it's tail, which was curled up), and fatter than the others. It was also quite low down and so we could get right up and look at it. Finally there was a blue legged chameleon, which didn't have blue legs because it had turned brown before going to sleep, to sit on it's brown branch. I'm not going to bother with a photo, as it was a long way away and well camouflaged enough that those photos I did get make it look like a brown lump. A rather unimpressive brown lump. It was 4 inches long sans tail though, so the second biggest we'd seen.

Look at those juicy thighs! No wonder they are endangered

I christen this "Impressively fat big leaf chameleon"

Since we had driven away from the village for this walk, the stars were out in force, and even the Milky Way made an appearance! 

There was one downside to the hotel: it HAD wifi, just nobody, the hotel staff included, could manage to get on it! So that is why this post was a day late.

I See the Rain Fall in Aaaafrica

Tea was duck with honey. I thought the sauce would be honey based, but it turns out honey means just honey! It was nice, despite being rather sweet. As we would be getting up early the following day (6:30 breakfast), an early bed was in order.

The next morning started out cloudy, and almost chilly. This was a far cry from the 38 degree heat on the first day (but not necessarily terrible given the fact we were going to be walking for 6 hours today). We had to drive a couple of hours in the bus to get to Anroetra, the place we would be walking. This involved moving on to another "motorway", which was bereft of Tarmac. An interesting couple of hours ensued: I'm glad I don't get travel sick! And this is supposedly "in comparatively good condition". I look forward to seeing what a motorway in bad condition is like, though such a road would probably not be any good for actually getting anywhere.

Anna told a funny story on the bus. She had been to Goa, India, and someone had come up to her and said "I love your chicken skin, I want your chicken skin!", referring to her white skin of course. Well my chicken skin was safe today! For about 10 minutes it looked like the sun would burn off the clouds, but the clouds rallied, and it soon began spitting with rain.

We stopped in a smallish village, picked up a local guide who was to go with us, and started to walk. Whilst walking through the village, children came up to talk to us. Claude came to talk to me. His English was surprisingly good, and he asked where I was from. I said Manchester, the foreign children never understand Sheffield, and he asked "United or City?". They always know Manchester United. He told me to remember his name for later.

The walk was about 6km each way, and on the way it was drizzling all the way. That fine rain that wets you, to quote a certain famous comedian. It was actually more that we were in a cloud I think than proper rain, but it all soaks you the same. It was fairly cold too, and I'm glad I wore my trousers, as those of us in shorts looked a bit miserable. It was cold too, 10 degrees ish I would say, and with the Peak District countryside I was starting to question whether I left home at all!

What a view!

On the way we saw a lot of clouds, along with a stele with stones representing each member of our local guide's family who had died, with their bodies being buried elsewhere. Also, we found some overturned soil, which the guide explained was where people had been searching for grubs to eat. You have to catch them before they grow wings, otherwise they will escape with their succulent flesh! None were available for trying though. Sorry mum.

Larger stones for men. Gender equality has not reached this far

African takeaway

We reached our eventual destination, a small Zafimaniry village, about midday. I am glad this  happened early in the tour, because walking amongst the poor really isn't my thing. The kids promptly swarmed us, begging for sweets in French. It definitely doesn't melt my heart in the way it does some of the women; I find it hard enough conversing with kids when we both speak the same language! They are nice when they are just waving from the side of the road, but when they fall upon you in a horde, and pester you it becomes less nice.

The Zafimaniry are famous for their woodcraft (in fact my hotel room is a copy of a Zafimaniry house), and we got talked through the main motifs of their woodcarvings, as modelled by a wooden house that was over 100 years old! Then we got inside a house, and had the features explained to us be a 77 year old man (seems good going to me, for rural Africa). For example, all houses are built with walls facing the cardinal directions, and the door in the west wall. The kitchen area is always on the south wall, and guests are always received north of the cooking pot. I found all this quite interesting, and the kids were all locked outside, so that was good. Then there were some local handicrafts to buy, in the form of wood carvings. They had masks, and many of you will know that I collect masks, so I got a decent sized one, and it was only 20,000 ariary (£6ish)!

The star shapes (and fan shapes in the corners) represent the sun, and equality, as the sun shines the same on everyone. The squares represent solidarity, intended to look like a beehive because bees are hardworking, and,

the spirals represent togetherness, like a spiderweb sticks together (they are the much finer decorations)

Then we set off back, our departure just coinciding with the sun coming out in patches! My chicken skin was in danger. The sun wasn't a constant, but visibility had lifted drastically, which allowed us to see some very nice views we had previously missed out on. We stopped for lunch partway back, to eat our sandwiches, which we had bought from the hotel. I got 2 since they were only 5,000 ariary (£1.50), and I thought that if they were small I might need both to fill me up. They were not small, a full baguette around a foot long, so I only ate 1 and a half.

The Zafimaniry village from afar. For some reason it looks smaller from here

Lunch was quite the nature spotting experience; there was a bird as orange as a high vis jacket (which was unfortunately quite far away, close enough to see, but fat enough for my wimpy iPhone zoom to have a hard time with), and a great centipede. We saw a few more birds on the way back too, along with the revealed landscape, and heard a tree frog.

You can just barely see it perched on the big dead tree in the centre. You've thought he'd have the decency to come closer!

I think it is heading for my mum's back!

Back in the larger village, Claude was lurking expectantly upon my return. He had  confusingly changed into a tie dye tshirt, so I didn't realise it was him immediately. "Do you remember my name?" He asked. At this point I realised it was him, so told him his name. He seemed pleased. "Look at the handicrafts of my father" he said. I looked, and conscious that up to this point souvenirs for my family had been hard to come by I bought a REDACTED for REDACTED.

Next we were shown into the local guide's (not Mamy, but another man) brother's house, which was also a shop. He had some masks too, which were nicer than the village one, but were quite big, problematically so in all likelihood, and doubtless more than 20,000, so despite liking those a bit better, I was happy with my purchase.

It was then back on the bus, and back to the same hotel as yesterday (of which I was glad, thanks to the comfort of the bed in my little Zafimaniry replica shack, and the OK wifi, which is far more of a luxury here than anywhere else I've ever been: few restaurants/hotels advertise it) for a bit of a rest before tea. On the way back we saw a few white crows, which are like regular cries, but with white feathers all over their torso, like a little vest. Also, unfortunately, Meryl fell ill on the way back, with vomiting (for which the bus was stopped, and I imagine the bmx style roads didn't help), and a nasty feint onto a stone wall face first, which left her with a bumped nose. Hopefully she will feel better soon.

What a view! (Part 2)

Tana time!

I got the wifi password from the reception after my shower and nap. It was "carbonara". I don't think me choosing pasta because they "wouldn't have it here" is going to pan out as I planned.

In fact, lunch at the hotel little later proved this. The first section on the menu was pasta, and the first pasta was carbonara... At least they had sandwiches too! I went for neither though: when in Rome and all that. I went for "zebu cooked in a Malagasy style with ginger". It had a name on the menu, but it didn't even include zebu, so there is no way I could remember it. It was very nice though, similar to clay pot beef in Vietnam (and those of you who followed that blog may recall that that was my very favorite Vietnamese dish!). Not bad price wise either: I got what I would consider a portion for 2 (I ate it all alone mind), a little bread starter, a whole breadbasket with some different breads and breadsticks, some sides (one tomato, and one... vegetable something which I justified not eating since it looked raw, so was probably washed in terrible water), and enough coffee for 2 and a half cups, all for $9 (£7.50ish). It took up all the table!

I hadn't got my phone when is started the meal, so it is all gone.

The restaurant itself was really nice too. The hotel is set right next to a cliff, and the outside tables are on a thin balcony, with some lovely smelling trees growing up next to it.

The rest of the day was spent lazing. I wasn't going to do anything thanks to the group initial meeting at 7:30, but then I looked again and 07:30 on 26th September is tomorrow. By the time I realised though, it was too late. I don't want to be roaming the streets of Tana after dark: what if someone has their eyes and mouth closed and I bump into them! (Genuinely happened to me once in a club. A black shirt and black trousers on a black guy in some sort of trance was overdoing it a bit if you ask me)

The next morning I slept through my alarm. Luckily I woke up at 7:25, and the meeting was at 7:30. I had already sorted my clothes etc. so I was on time. The meeting was a bit chaotic, and I didn't really learn too much, not even everyone's name! I had breakfast of bread and honey and coffee during the "meeting", then we set off for a morning walk through Tana. There isn't too much to see in terms of landmarks. The lake is one (though we didn't visit it), and the queen's palace is another. And that's about it.

The queen's palace is on the biggest hill in Tana. It was from a queen who ruled till the end of the 19th century, with a similar length of reign to Queen Victoria. It was then converted into a museum by the French, and then it suffered from a fire in 1996. Fire based renovations are still ongoing, and so there is nothing to see inside, and so we didn't pay to go in. Otherwise we just walked around, taking in some of the impressive views, and I had a little talk to everyone to learn their names.

You may recognise the quote pleasent lake.

Fit for a queen. Or a museum 

I think Tana handily adds evidence to my theory that capitals of poor countries are generally not very good, with little to see. I think it is because a lot of people end up living there, and they often don't have long histories of civilisation (at least not in the capitals, as they generally seem to be colonial because that is where the infrastructure was/is best), so they end up just being tons of houses. Maybe that is slightly unfair on Hanoi (though Vietnam is the richest of the poor countries I have visited), but Lima was certainly similar, and whilst I didn't visit Jakarta, Jogjakarta is supposed similar, and was similarly uninspiring.

Here are photos of my group, so you might have a general idea of who I am talking about if I mention them:

Andrew

Meryl

Photo pending

Nick

Photo pending

John

Pauline

Fiona

Matthew

Anna

Kasia

Sue

Rosa

Mamy - Our guide

You will notice that I didn't say any of the group are my roommate. That is because they aren't, I have a room to myself! I have mixed feelings about this: nobody to talk to, but nobody to compromise with (ie. No taking turns with showers, no snoring). I believe an upgrade to having your own room normally costs £250 on these trips, so I feel sort of like I won money.

Next up was a day of driving to Ambrositra. On the way Mamy told us some things about Madagascar. Surprisingly, the country was Comminist for a while in the 70s, but now is a democracy, with a new president elected every 5 years. Madagascar has 22 million people, sharply up from 10 million in the 90s, with 2 million living in Tana, and 3 million in the environs (but I knew this anyway thanks to the taxi driver yesterday!). The population is 92% Christian, with a fairly even split between Protestants and Catholics, with the remaining 8% being Animist (the native religion), and Muslim. The biggest animals are the zebu (which I ate), and the nile crocodile (which I hope won't eat me).

On the bus I mainly looked out of the window. I'll never be on this road again after all! At first, the scenery was very similar to the Peak District; not really what I had expected. This is the high plateau region apparently, and in terms of culture it is the most influenced by foreigners. We drove through a small town famous for its foie gras. I saw a woman walking along, carrying her handbag on her head. Maybe it was her headbag.

Welcome to Derybsh... Wait a minute!

We stopped for lunch somewhere. I never saw the name written down, and it was impossible to remember, but I do know that it's specialty is aluminium decorations and utensils. I ate an omelette; the specialty of the place was still foie gras so I wasn't interested in that.

After Aluminium Town, the scenery changed once more. Now it was a lot like Indonesia, though the greens were quite as vibrant, as if everything were covered in dust (and that is entirely possible I guess). Apparently this was now a volcanic area, so it makes sense that it'd be similar. We stopped for a 5 minute walk to stretch our lets in a really random spot in the amooy bahbi (phonetically spelt. I daren't try to get the actual spelling from Mamy) or Rice Hills where there were people selling carrots and potatoes. I was expecting more exotic things from Madagascar, but apparently people grow whatever they want in their fields outside of rice season, and what these people wanted was carrots and potatoes!

Welcome to Java... This is getting silly!

We saw an overturned bus, which added a bit of excitement to proceedings, then shortly after we were back in Derbyshire again. The road, motorway 7 (which is one of the best maintained in the country, though don't let "motorway" fool you, it can barely fit 2 cars abreast), had started to get a little dicey in places. And I when I say "a little dicey", I mean 4 inch deep huge potholes, but it is all part of the fun in going to these places! They probably did for that other bus.

Derbyshire go home, you are drunk and lost

There was a close call in that my first room at our hotel did not have wifi, but luckily I had a twin, and some of the women on the tour got put in a double, so I was swapped to a room with wifi. Huzzah!

MY SKIN!!! Pt 1

I will first explain the title, as I am sure most of you will be wondering just what the hell is going on:

(Oh god mum it is doing that strange formatting thing I mocked you for and I can't stop it!!!)

Recently my family were flying to Spain for a cruise. There was a little boy on the plane who was NOT a good flier. He cried most of the time, and came out with such classic quotes as "I need some quiet time" (screamed at the top of his lungs), "we are still flying around in the sky" (also screamed at the top of his lungs, whilst we were not flying around in the sky), and my personal favorite, most mysterious of them all, and reason for the title: "MY SKIN!!!" (repeatedly screamed at the top of his lungs). 

3pm seems like a nice time to fly, it's pretty late so when I first booked the flights I was anticipating a decent lie in. Of course, you have to be there 3 hours before for long haul flights. Then there is the train, 2 and a half hours at best. And the tube from King's Cross to Heathrow, 45 minutes, but call it at least an hour with walking to/from the platform and waiting for the next team. Add that back, and the fact that trains come when they want and not when you want, and that means I got up at 7:20. Heck.

This trip started a lot better than my last one though. It wasn't a weekday, and that means that my return ticket didn't cost £144! (Those of you who read my last blog may recall my outrage at my train ticket costing a third that of my flights). Also a shoutout to the ticket man at Rotherham station, who was very helpful and pleasant.

I got lucky too, I had been planning on catching an 8:01 train and arriving at King's Cross at 10:48, but I was early enough to get one at 7:54, and so got into King's Cross at 10:08. No, I don't understand how 7 minutes turned into 40 either. Trains have their own maths apparently.

The train I got from Doncaster to London was fantastic too. It is by a company called Grand Central, of whom I have never heard before, but it was non stop, and the leg room was insane, at least a foot between my knees and the seat in front (see photo). My only problem was that for some unknown reason, the train smelled of tinned tomatoes. At least it wasn't cabbage (and I actually felt mildly sick typing that word. Seems like this has become a complex)

Grand Indeed

The ticket inspector was oddly perceptive too. I had asked him whether my open return was good on the train when he was prowling about the platform, and when I was on the train and he came to inspect my ticket he asked: "I noticed your hat on the platform; is it the one from InFamous?". It is (InFamous is a ps4 game, and the special edition came with a hat. I wanted a hat, and the game so...), but I myself had actually more or less forgotten this. I mean it has been a couple of years, so it had long since become "my hat" as opposed to "the hat from InFamous". But nothing gets past the inspector! We had a little chat about it, he was a nice guy, so of humans I talked to aside from my family today, that was 2 for 2.

I napped for the rest of the train ride (only about an hour from that point), as I know my sleep tonight will be curtailed (hopefully not by Billie Jean, see my Vietnamese blog if you don't understand the reference), and besides, it was still 9am on Saturday. That is the middle of the night for someone with my specialty! (Once again, thanks mum...)

My next pleasant surprise came when getting on the tube. My Oyster card had been loaned out to the family, and the last time this happened it had minus money on it when it came back. Not so this time, £12.80 was on, and so all of the London Underground was my lobster. A tram to Terminal 4 turned up less than a minute after I got to the platform too. This could probably be described as a lucky streak, or alternatively "luck like Vicky" (my little sister, and easily the luckiest person alive).

I once again napped on the tram, once I got a seat, and before that there was a guy practising his sleight of hand with a deck of cards. It was mesmeric, he was very good. Whilst napping I was entertained by a little girl singing a song for about 10 minutes. It followed the same pattern every 30 seconds, but she was basically was singing about whatever she saw, except for the culmination, which was "WATCH MY SCISSORS!!!". Yeah. I don't know either, she didn't even have scissors, but it was pretty funny.

Check in was insane. I really thought I'd have to wait at least 45 minutes, since I was there at 11:10 for a 15:00 flight, but no, the very nice Etihad lady I asked said I was fine to check in now. There was only one person in the queue and 6 stations, so I queued for about 1 minute, and you've never seen a more efficient man than the guy behind the counter, who had my tickets and sent me on my way in around 2 minutes.

To top it all off, a guy (also very nice, just like every other person I have spoken to today: I'm still waiting for the combo breaker) pulled me to one side in security, I only had 1 bag (you know, like the rules!), so he sent me through to the staff checking place, with no one else there. I was through to the gates in less than 15 minutes!

Of course this meant I had 3 and a half hours to kill, but it is better than rushing about. I intended to get a sandwich for lunch, but even the cheaper ones were about £5, so I went for a carbonara at Carluccios instead, which was £9. I think they will probably have sandwiches in Madagascar, but I am doubtful about pasta!

I was pleased to see this flight was an a380, as they are generally very modern, and I wasn't disappointed. The seats seemed wider than my plane last week, and my little to screen was very good quality. The films were also to my tastes. I didn't know whether to watch Deadpool, Xmen Apocalypse, or Captain America: Civil War first! Another pleasant surprise was that I had all 3 seats to myself!

These guys won't be addicted to Billie Jean!

Lenny Henry's insidious reach extends even to Abu Dhabi (it is a premier inn, in case you can't tell)

Things had to go downhill at some point, and it was on the next flight. Sort of. First of all, there was a guy at the gate who had some problem (I think ticket related, but they were speaking Urdu so that's all I got) so big that they had to close check in, and do it through the first class one instead. The very next people in the queue were 2 fat lesbians who were throwing a tantrum because they weren't sat together on their honeymoon. This was their own stupid fault, as they'd checked in online, and I saw some 2s free on the plane.

Next there was a 40 minute delay, once we'd already loaded the plane. I had 3 hours in Male, so no big deal for me really. Then there was the people I was sat around; of the 10 or so in earshot, 7 ordered tomato juice every round! What the hell is wrong with people?! Is tomato juice a superlative health drink all of a sudden? Next they did us breakfast... At 4am Abu Dhabi time/3am Seychelles time. This was as soon as we hit cruising altitude. Is that even breakfast? Finally my biggest problem I would say, some scientists had a captive black hole right behind me and every time I would drop off I would be awoken by the sound of space screaming as it was devoured. I mean okay, it turned out to just be the toilet flush, but it sounded like something more catastrophic and astral.

Despite the small hadron collider behind me, I actually had a half decent stab at sleeping. It was in fits and starts, but there was a good 3 hours (of the 5) where I didn't check my watch and moan. I think this was thanks to some turbulence keeping people in their seats, and away from the singularity. No extra seats for me this time unfortunately, so my neck feels like a pretzel, but you can't win em all.

The landing in the Seychelles was... Interesting. I almost felt like screaming about my skin! Very bumpy, and a triple bounce to land. I wasn't particularly worried, but someone did scream a bit. The airport is very picturesque though. It is 3 gates in a small building (though a nice one), on the beach pretty much, with mountains dotted around. I guess when you think about it, the Seychelles is ALL beaches and mountains, so it makes sense.

The beach starts just after the grass.

I slept once again until my last flight, then slept through much of that too. There was the annoying hurdle of having to complete one of those stupid forms, for which I had to borrow a pen from the people next to me, and that was about the highlight.

Getting a visa was chaos, but I lucked out by just asking some random woman, and she said she would do it, and mine was about third out, despite me being towards the back of the plane getting off. The taxi driver was waiting (he had a board with my name, which will excite mum), and he was very nice. At first I thought he was the guide because he was introducing stuff all over the place, but apparently not. I'm a bit glad, because understanding the guy was a struggle.

Antananarivo, Tana from now on, because that is it's nickname and because typing out Antananarivo is a lot of effort, is a very poor place, even in comparison with other places I've been. There are virtually no big, or new buildings, people are selling random things everywhere, and half the city appears to be a paddy field. I'll bet there's never been a fatal traffic accident, because traffic is too slow due to all the people just walking in the road (I was slightly worried to see we never did more than 0kmph according to the speedo), and the 'buses' for locals are minivans, where someone stands at the back and throws open the door, and people rush on whilst the bus is still moving.

We went past a fairly pleasant lake, which was a nice change of pace, and then up to my hotel. I was very pleasantly surprised. It is nice, by our standards, probably the nicest building I saw except the queens palace, which I saw from afar on a hill, and the American embassy.

The fairly pleasent lake

The view from my hotel balcony. The trees photobombed me.

This turned into a monstrous post, but that's what you get having nothing to do but write for 28 hours. Time for a shower and a nap!